Feeling Sea Sick: Craving Stability in Chaotic Times

I feel sick and dizzy, like the world is spinning. I'm in Saint Martin. I got off a catamaran two days ago after spending a week on board. Sea legs usually last 24-48 hours, as the body adjusts to being off the boat, and for me, it usually hits me harder than sea sickness. It's the same feeling, but the whole world feels like it's rocking like a boat. I've never had it this badly, but I honestly can't tell if I'm sick from the boat, or if the world really is rocking around like crazy.

A week ago, I got on a mid-sized sailing catamaran with seven other people for a leisure trip around the Virgin Islands, named, as many Caribbean islands are, after European stories and symbols. Columbus had hyped up the 110 Virgin Islands to the Spanish monarchs by comparing them to the legend of Ursula and the 11,000 Christian virgins who were massacred by the Huns near Cologne in the 5th century when Ursula refused to marry a Hun warrior.

And since then, the Caribbean islands have been a symbol of what happens to those who refuse the powerful and violent. Since the days of Columbus, the islands have been used as a sea highway for trafficking people and plunder to and from the Americas.

As we sailed around and stopped in various ports, it was impossible to ignore the disparity between the rich and privileged people like us, sailing around in a billionaire's playground, and the poor descendants of trafficked people who do their best to survive with the little they've been left with after European exploitation.

On our last night, we stopped at Great Thatch Island, named after Blackbeard the pirate's real name, Edward Thatch. Uninhabited for over a hundred years, it's a true smuggler's island, just over the horizon from Epstein Island. I realized that the horrors of Epstein Island, the exploitation and human trafficking, are the norm in these seas, not an exception.

I couldn't sleep that night as I sat in the darkness, tossing and turning from the tumultuous sea and the dark truths that it holds, too close for comfort. And ever since I've left the boat, returning to land, I've felt sick. And I'm not sure if it's because of my experiences on the boat, or the tumultuous world I'm walking into that feels far less stable by the day.

My shipmates and I are flying out of the Caribbean now. Tonight, I'm flying to Canary Islands, Spain where I had an apartment booked that's been cancelled due to rain damage from the worst weather event to hit the Canary Islands in over a decade, attributed to climate change. I hope I manage to find a place to stay before I arrive.

The group text from our boat trip is lighting up. An Australian man got stuck in the airport in Puerto Rico. A Brazilian American woman had her flight into New York cancelled. A Polish woman is supposed to fly into Florida in a few days, and a Canadian friend is flying tomorrow. They all have valid visas, but US airports are in chaos from government funding battles, with untrained ICE agents stepping in for the unpaid TSA.

Meanwhile, I woke up to news of a Canadian airplane that collided with a fire truck in New York on landing, killing the pilot and crew. They say air traffic control was completely overwhelmed in one of the busiest airports in the world due to the Trump administration's budget cuts and government shutdown, leading to the fatal mistake.

I intentionally booked my flight to Spain without a layover in the US, and I'm glad I did. But what world will I land in tomorrow?

The Torah says that children will pay for the sins of their ancestors for generations (Exodus 20:5). And whether you believe in the Old Testament or not, the legacy of evil is passed down. With all of the escalating tensions around the world these days, I keep thinking about how the violence and power struggles of the past echo into today, and we're paying for the sins of our ancestors.

Right now, with the military escalation in the middle east, the US, Israel, and Iran bombing the region, and the Strait of Hormuz effectively closed, I'm feeling more and more anxious. I'm worried about this leading to bigger disruptions in the places I spend my time, like Europe and Thailand, where gas prices and higher cost of living could make life unaffordable for me. I'm worried about the economic ripples making it harder for me to find steady work and keep myself afloat. I worry about Iran cutting undersea cables, disconnecting me from my friends and loved ones scattered around the world, or making it impossible for me to work.

I'm very worried about the physical safety of friends who are in Iran, Israel, Ukraine and other places caught in the crossfire. And I'm worried about my own safety too: running out of money with no safety net, getting stuck somewhere alone and without support, or just not knowing when I'll find stability again.

I want stability and a sense of home, but I feel adrift. Is there anyone reading this who can sit with me in these uncomfortable feelings? Is there anyone who can acknowledge that the actions of the powerful are starting to have real, evil consequences, disrupting not just leisure travel, but the lives of real people? Can you acknowledge that our actions, inactions, and even our politics have real, dark consequences for people who are image-bearers of the Divine?

I'm writing not to demand agreement on politics or rewrite history, but to ask you to see my pain as real, not dismiss it as sin, rejecting God, or wokeness. If you can sit with that, acknowledge the human cost (even if you see the causes differently), and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness, arguments, or spiritual bypassing/empty prayers, then I want to stay connected. I need connection and family now more than ever.

But if your response is to invalidate my experience, blame me for feeling this way, or label it sin, I'll need to pull back to protect my mental health and reduce contact with you. This isn't about changing your views; it's about how much dismissal I can take without it costing our relationship.

Am I alone in this stormy sea? Is there anyone reading this who isn't fully at ease with how things are unfolding? Is there anyone here with me in this feeling? I feel sick.